The grand-mal tantrum

Recently we've been told to scrap the whole ODD thing and we're now to focus on separation and social anxieties. So we listen to the valid points we pay attention we start speech therapy to help with social interactions and still I have more questions. Some of which stem from my own awareness of society's ignorance and the judgments that come with it. I know that a typical adult would not understand that my kid has ADHD & anxiety but also throws enormous tantrums and attends a special education school where he's 1 of 6 kids in his class with 1 teacher and an aid. Typically during transitional times we struggle the most. So going back to school has been a little challenging. Although he'll get up get ready for the day, go to school, and mostly cooperate there (thus far). Getting him to wind down close to bedtime has been a true nightmare. The kid is completely defiant and seeking constant attention. And it's not like normal amounts of attention, like the amount of attention that sucks you away from any other activity you were doing. In "normal parenting" some people in certain times encourage you to ignore temper tantrum attention-seeking Behavior. In "Liam parenting" when you ignore it, it just gets louder and more repetitive. He knocks on walls and doors and kicks and shouts and manipulates every parental last nerve that you've got. And when it comes to a point that you have to physically relocate him he screams like you're trying to take one of his limbs away. When Liam was younger (about 3) and the weather was nice enough to have my windows open, he'd throw a long loud tantrum over something silly like me saying "no" to a juice box. I would shut his bedroom door and go stand in the middle of my front yard just so the neighbors would know I wasn't beating my kid. Do other people do that I wonder? Are other moms just loitering in their own front lawn politely waving to neighbors while their kids scream loudly for basically no reason? Anyway, in our most recent bedtime Adventure after about 20 minutes of a tantrum I step out into the backyard to catch a cold breeze on my face and take a deep breath only to notice that my neighbor's ears are pressed up against their kitchen window in my direction. It's dark and I don't think they know I'm out there so I just holler and neighborly "Is there something I can help you with?" And like ghosts they were gone... I returned to house, get Liam some water, and mentally prepare my explanation for the local police on the off chance that they were notified of the neighborhood howler monkey named Liam. Thank God, they never arrived. Right at the brink of a full mamam-meltdown, we tucked all the kids into bed, tuck ourselves into bed and go into a full mind mush coma and off to sleep. We get up the next day and do it all again thinking "What can we do differently today?" Mama survival clinches: - if at first you don't succeed try try again - I think I can, I think I can - hang in there, Kitty

Where do I collect my medal?

Moms in general tend to be forgotten as normal grown up human beings. Sometimes I think we're all perceived as generic perfection seeking mom-bots who survive on peanut butter and Mac'n cheese. And we can always tell when people we know are observing (or judging) our mom skills (or fails) because our kids rarely melt down in the privacy of your own homes. So if you think of me as your typical mom-bot, who on this Sunday was preparing for a large family dinner at the in-laws'.... I try out a new hair style (which fails miserably and renders my hair lifeless). I prep myself to ignore the fact that a few of my in-laws hate me (despite my being quite delightful). And ready my family for the day in classic mom-bot fashion. Overall the kids behave for the most part, they eat well,keep their hands to themselves, use their manners etc. (Mom win!) And when it's all over and time to head home I think , "I deserve a little pat on the back, well done mom-bot!" Then, on the drive home I looked back on my entire day beginning to end and thought, "not one person at that dinner would have ever known that earlier today, one of my kids got so pissed at me that they flipped me the bird, called me a "dick", and threw a BAG OF MATCHBOX CARS AT MY HEAD." (Classic DMDD Sunday morning) Then I thought, (not to brag but), "skrew that pat on the back, I deserve a God damn Medal!" I am Le Tired!

We're closing in on official Sunday night bedtime and I'm going through folders and making sure everybody's got papers signed and menu choices circled so that Monday morning doesn't hit me like a bus. While the girls head to bed early both with belly aches (which means we're just waiting for f*cking vomit). Liam grunts and stomps around his room protesting bedtime occasionally shouting,"my whole family's stupid!", or some other nonsense. I roll my eyes, shake my head and think "what if I sent my kid's teachers evening reports?" Communication is key with school (particularly Liam's), and most teachers will easily tell you the random (possibly "Dick moves") that your kid made throughout the day. So I just wondered if I could send them a report from my end. Like: Dear Mrs. SOandSO, last night Liam got pissed at bedtime and flipped me off so, if you can try to address this behavior on your end, that'd be great!😜 .............................. ............... This 20 min pause was brought to you by the inevitable vomit....fuck. Good night friends!

Settling in, 4 years later

Hello, Friends! Well, did anybody else take a 4 year break from blogging to have a meltdown, lose their mom to cancer, have another baby, actually get married, and study Liam like you're getting paid to?(no one ever pays you)?? No? Just me? Great. 🎉 Any-who, we have been down the special education rabbit hole for the past few years. And let me tell you we are older and wiser because of it! ADHD/DMDD fam & friends, this life is NO JOKE! You just ride along this roller coaster between thinking, "it'll all be ok" *up up up* and *BAM! Straight down* Like "AAAHHHH! WE'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT!!!". I get it. So Liam's 10 now, and we have gone from public schools, to charter school (for the smaller class size), and now are at a transitional school for kids with "emotional impairments" (E.I. in special ed lingo). He's in a self contained classroom with 5 other kids and 2 special education teachers. It has rewards. It has consequences. It's structured and it works. Over the years we've struggled with some mental health hardships, partial hospitalization(That was a doozy $$$), and kept up with the good, bad, and othewise. We have come quite a long way from the terrible twos where we started but we're "gettin there" So let's talk about the past, present, and future of this crazy lifestyle. While occasionally excusing me to chase down one of my many children in an attempt to keep them alive 🤞 Cheers!🍷

Never a good time

So I wake up in a great mood on a Saturday morning!...husband does not. There is a day long silent treatment about to happen between the adults, but the kids???? Nope not today. Parents are feeling on edge and vulnerable, children are their normal rambunctious selves. So you try to stay calm, focus on the kids and it's going well until the first daily tantrum hits. Mom has given the official "NO" to playing video games and the world as we know it, is over. There is screaming, there is hitting walls, the constant echo of "I don't like you!" All because I said the big "N" word. Once one is in a loud timeout, the little one starts up. "Can I play on the kindle?" "No Em, not right now." And there I go using the "N" word again. Suddenly my sweet baby starts chimmimng, "I don't love you, I don't love you..." Oye Vae! As the couples silent treatment continues the parenting manages to remain in tact. I take a little mom time out to write this little blog and my husband tries to calm the beasts. There is never a good time for a tantrum, and when you have a kid with behavioral/emotional issues, there is never a good time to have issues of your own. Ugh! Ok, mom time out is over, back to my crazy saturday! Double ugh!

Terrible twos???

My baby,Liam must have been the easiest baby ever, he was a first time mother's dream. Sleeping well,eating well, crying only when in need, and smiles for days. It was easy to tell early on that Liam had a great and rare personality. He was one of those "old soul" babies. We had a couple of years to get to know eachother before he hit the two year mark, of which I had always been warned. When Liam was about 2.5.years old was when I first started noticing signs of the terrible two tantrums. As a first time mom I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into. The day that Liam threw a 45 minute long tantrum (kicking and screaming) with no break made me tired, made me sad for him. I could not console him, he just kept going. And for what? I told him he could not have a juice box when I had just given him some milk. Over a juice box? 45 minutes of screaming at the top of your lungs......over a JUICE BOX? One of the most difficult things to remember as a parent is that children still have years to go before they grasp and use common sense. Although, I'm sure we've all known grown adults who we know are fully capable of having a juice box meltdown. Anyway, this tantrum shook me. I wasn't so sure we were just dealing with those "terrible twos" that everyone goes through. At the time,I had no idea that I would be spending the next few years trying to use his age as a good excuse for his often defiant behaviors. In retrospect,I hear myself, "I know, he's just being a 2 year old", "just being a 3 year old", "just being a 4 year old" thinking the whole time that one day id be saying, "well hes only 30!" Ugh. I have to say that as Liam grew to age 5 we got to see him become a really wonderful boy. He has compassion for others, an amazing sense of humor, his fathers good looks, and his mothers lack of grace. And then there is "OtherLiam" this is a child that I live with who often times does not resemble my loving little boy. He throws toys and books, he hits and kicks and bites and screams,he hates you and me and everyone in his path. It feels like someone at some point hypnotised my baby and when he hears the word "NO" he is to react like a raging tornado. Hugs are the only antidote, but you have to wait until you feel safe enough to go in for the embrase. Most of the time, Liam is just a normal boy with a lot of extra energy and a lack of listening skills. He makes friends easily, he retains things that he learns at school, infact his grades are above average, despite him being the youngest kid in class. So we keep our family on this little roller coaster and try to shade little sister (Emily, age 3) from the volcano explosions. And we do what we can day by day to keep our family as happy and together as possible. One of the toughest things to handle is that there is so much judgement to be passed on the Adhd diagnosis. Everyone has an oppinion. But the parents, therapist, teachers, and psychiatrists who are all working as a team just to get this kid through life one day at a time are really the only oppinions that matter to the family. And imagine, this blog hasn't even touched the epic discussion of kids on meds! But as this mama-blogger is also a pharmacy technician, I'm sure we'll get there. ;-)